i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize