I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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