I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
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And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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