I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
