his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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