Four minutes until I can fart!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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