don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize