May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
