I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
