No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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