nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You ruined the universe
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize