True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
