The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
