Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
