I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
