Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
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i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
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