I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize