Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
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you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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