Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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