Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself