He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?