i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
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Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.