You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
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She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
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Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill