you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children