I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
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Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
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He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.