once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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