He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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