You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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