i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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