my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
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I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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