yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
