Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
