Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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