New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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