I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend