I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.