I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.