So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
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You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
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Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.