I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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