I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize