did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention