I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start