brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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