me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.