sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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