Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
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