If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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