The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"