I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...