she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He? As in you personified your dick?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit