My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Man Helps Gorilla Find His Next Tinder Date
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Women Confess The Weirdest Things Men Wanted From Them
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back