I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Found the puke drawer
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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