Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.