batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.