omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM