yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats