hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I want to have your abortion
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy