the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon