Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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