so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
