he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
