You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
