Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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