Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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