At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
