She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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