So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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