I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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