Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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