When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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