tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
